furilla

Leaping Lizards



Bleck! Today when i was helping a kid print out a calendar, we discovered a smooshed, bloody, baby lizard that was spewed out of the printer and squished between 2 of the papers. It looked much like the one in the above featured picture. My only consulation was that it didn't suffer...much...I think.

What happens when you read Lemony Snicket backwards?

I have a kid who always comes in and asks me when we're getting the latest Lemony Snicket books along with other series. But Lemony Snicket is his favorite, he loves them. He is obsessed with them. Today he came in and asked me where the Beverly Cleary books are. I showed him and then he came back and asked which order the Ramona books go in, so i found him a bibliography. He comes back with every single one of the Ramona books and I ask him what got him started on the Ramona books. He tells me that the Lemony Snicket books contain coded messages that can only be deciphered by reading the Ramona series. I thought that was hilarious! I also thought it was super cool that this kid is so into the series that he is going to read all 8 or however many of the Ramona books just so he can get the inside edge on Lemony Snicket. What a cool kid!

It's 25 minutes before the library closes and a girl comes in needing to type her paper (it's already written out). She gets on the computer and begins to slowly peck. The mother rushes in and asks 1) if I can type and 2) can I type her daughter's paper. I tell her that yes I can type but no I cannot type her daughter's paper for her. The mother then begins to ask the other kids if they can type her daughter's paper. She even sends her 6-year-old son to ask the same thing of the circulation staff. All the meanwhile I'm trying not to roll my eyes and debating with myself on whether or not I should say something. The mother finally manages to snag a teenager. The teen finishes in 15 minutes (it was only a dozen sentences) and prints it out. The mother gathers her stuff and children and, as she leaves the area, thanks me and says, "Oh, I spilled something on the chair. But don't worry, it's only water."

A girl asked me if i could help her find some autobiographies of paint weathering. I asked her if it had to be an autobiography, or if it could be a biography of someone who was involved in the paint industry (seeing as weathered paint can't write it's autobiography). She said she guessed so, but was real unsure sounding so i asked to see her assignment. Turns out she just needed information on how paint weathers and a bibliography.

Last week a woman entered the building and I could tell immediately that she was new. She had that lost look as if she didn't realize that she entered a library and wondered what all the books were doing here. Then she slowly scoped out our computer areas, which is how she wandered over to me and asked about how to use a computer. I explained that she needed a library card or photo ID number to log on and pointed towards the front desk. Conversation over.

A few minutes later I wandered over to the front desk for something and the woman approached me again. This time 2 staff members were with me. She asked about our security system.

--Er, what security system?
--She points to the door. It didn't beep when I walked in.
--Oh, well it usually doesn't. Do you have something from the library?
--No, but I have a gun.

holy shit.

The clerks ask her to walk through the gates again. Hello? They are for library materials not weapons! So it's okay to have a concealed weapon in this state, but is it necessary here? C'mon. Believe it or not but we actually have policy stating that firearms are not permitted in the library. Should I inform her of this?

Before I can open my mouth, one of the clerks asks why she has a gun. :)

--I'm an undercover cop. And she pulls out her badge from inside her white t-shirt.

Well, honey, didja just break your cover? I'm no cop myself, but I do watch Law and Order. One should be more stealth if one is to be an undercover cop. Announcing that you carry a gun would seem to undermine the surveillance.

More importantly, what's going on in here that she has to be here?

I didn't get a chance to find out as a shrill voice emerged from the computer center...

--Miss! This don't got no sound!! I can't hear nothing!!! It doesn't work!!!!

Ah, back to work.

So there was this 7 or 8 year old kid this summer. He was new to using computers so I spent quite a bit of time with him showing him how to type URLs and navigate game sites. One day while I was out, he excitedly ran over to the desk and asked for his money. Apparently he saw a pop-up add stating that he won $100 and he thought he could get that money from us.

A ten year-old was standing two feet from the door of my library smoking a joint, and when a teacher from the local middle school walked up and asked him what he was doing (duh!), he just smiled. And when she asked him his name, he gave her one...it just wasn't his name. And then he took off. I'd just seen this kid outside with his dog - he'd smiled at me. He is one charming kid. I guess maybe the pot helps.

So I found a note beside the computer that said something rude about me. It was intended to be rude, but really it was just funny because it was so stupid and written in such an illiterate way. There were 3 kids that had been sitting there, three kids who are routine trouble makers. two left soon after and a third was on a computer when it was found. When his turn ended I told him he couldn't sign up again because of the note that was found. He said he had nothing to do with it. One of the other two that had returned and said he also had nothing to do with it, they said, "you can't just accuse us of something we didn't do." I said i'm not accusing you, because i know it was you. It was at the computer that you were sitting at. So the kid that i just told couldn't sign up again left calling me a "fucking bitch." I told him he wasn't helping his situation, but he just left swearing all the way. He'll be pleasantly suprised when he comes in tomorrow and finds out he is banned for a month. Take that smartass.

It didn't help that yesterday he brought in a bag of chips. I saw him enter the library with them and told him to remember that he couldn't eat in the library. He said he wouldn't. About an hour later there was an empty chip bag beside his computer and the floor was littered with crumbs. At this point I was friggin tired of my daily nagging and told him not to do it again and to throw out the chip bag. He then denied it was his!!! HELLO? Thanks for dropping in kid.